Idle talk. About private lives. Who enjoys what is so obviously a vile and worthless act? Well, apparently many of our fellow humans do. Many of the same people that are all-too-willing to pontificate about superior intelligence and all that.
Establish a habit of speaking in a more positive manner. Ignore the gossipers. Other types of gossip are more like junk food for the mind. Of course, like most of us, she has her foibles, but certainly nothing that diminishes hamrful essential attractiveness and good nature. Does it need to be said right now?
Lace sandys trim. When Chitchat Becomes Gossip
You should send him a card. August 28, at pm. One of the worst effects of gossip is that you can hurt others. Learn more If you're gossiping because it puts you at the center of attention, Prevent harmful gossip boosts your ego, you need to stop. How Rumors Ohio gay truckers classifieds Ron Edmondson says:. If you know why you do it, tell us, please. Kelly says:. Prevent harmful gossip 30, at pm. I told him I am upset about it and he said "it's not a big deal" he doesn't think he did anything wrong. The issue didn't get dealt with until we as a family could talk about it.
Before you know it, the conversation turns to what feels like a harmless little chitchat about your coworker's romantic relationship with your neighbor across the street.
- While gossip isn't always a bad thing, it can be incredibly harmful not only for you, but also others may be affected.
- Before you know it, the conversation turns to what feels like a harmless little chitchat about your coworker's romantic relationship with your neighbor across the street.
- As if dealing with the consequences of sin is not enough, many times the hardest repercussion is the gossip which occurs about the people involved and the situation which occurred.
- Gossip is wrong, no matter how you look at it.
- Everyone gossips about something or someone including me.
Gossip --it's something that no company wants within its walls, but it's going to happen. And if you think your employees aren't spreading it, well, I hate to break it to you, but you're wrong. But sometimes, there are bigger rumors that have the potential to cast a sense of distrust throughout the entire organization, where employees might think that something is up and they aren't being informed for a reason.
If you're the leader of your company, you need to acknowledge the gossip and let your employees know what's really going on. The longer you choose to ignore it or wait it out, the more likely it'll spread to other parts of the company--and the more likely it'll get even more inaccurate, just like the old game of telephone. Before you can do anything to quell the gossip, get your facts straight. This might mean asking your managers or department heads what they've heard.
If you've fostered a good relationship with them, where they're comfortable telling you all the good and bad things going on with their teams, then the easier it'll be to pinpoint exactly what's being spread around the halls and to what extent.
Your first reaction might be to just talk to the person who's spreading the rumors. But what about all the folks who heard the rumor and, although they're not actively telling others, think what they've heard is true? You need to address the entire team, perhaps even the entire company. But instead of making the meeting about the rumors, turn it into an open forum for employees to voice their concerns about anything, related to the gossip or not. Take questions from everyone in advance so you can prepare your answers.
Put out a suggestion box so people can submit their questions anonymously. Yes, that's old-fashioned, but you'd be surprised at how honest employees can be when their identity is protected and respected.
The type of rumors that can really hurt a company are the ones that make employees think that leadership is hiding something from them. So be honest. If a mistake was made, own up and promise that it won't happen again. If it was simply false information, say so. But don't point fingers at anyone in front of a group. If employees are unhappy or confused about certain decisions made by leadership, provide context so they can see the bigger picture and all the things happening behind the scenes that they might not have been aware of.
Honesty breeds honesty. Inevitably, you'll have an employee who just can't keep his or her mouth shut and is always on the lookout to spread any kind of information, whether good or bad. I call him "Gary the Gossip. The idea is to make him feel that you trust him to get the facts straight first before asking or telling his co-workers.
You can't keep your people from talking. But these four tips should help prevent your company from becoming high school all over again. Here are four ways stop the rumor mill from spinning out of control:. The opinions expressed here by Inc. Sponsored Business Content.
Choose to pray for others every time you are tempted to tell their story. August 27, at pm. I felt I was better from everything that happened so I went back. August 28, at am. I would also like to stay in touch with my male friend.
Prevent harmful gossip. 1. Get to the bottom of it.
Is gossip harmful in a society? | Society – Gulf News
Mullah Nasruddin, the famous Middle Eastern trickster figure, once—so the story goes—took a pilgrimage with a priest and a yogi. On this spiritual journey, they were inspired to purify themselves through mutual confession. They decided to confess to each other their most embarrassing ethical lapse.
Nasruddin was silent. Finally, the others said, "Come on, Mullah, it's your turn! Nasruddin said, "I didn't know how to tell you, holy brothers. But my worst sin is that I'm a compulsive gossip!
Most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, will admit that we've been on both sides of the gossip aisle. I certainly have. I've been the one who confided an embarrassing secret to a trusted friend, only to discover a month later that it had gone viral.
I've also, to my shame, been the one who couldn't resist sharing a juicy bit of information, even when it meant betraying a confidence. Gossip is one of our most widely shared—and, often, most unconscious—addictions.
People rarely consider themselves gossip addicts, even when they're filling the empty spaces in conversation with tales about mutual acquaintances. Someone like Adrian, who'll leave a message on your voice mail with the entire story behind John's recent firing—now, he's a gossip. And so is Susan, who considers anything you say to be fair game for her blog. But is that kind of compulsive sharing the same as your natural desire to talk to your sister about whether your other sister's boyfriend is right for her?
Or the pleasure you take in hashing over a public figure's marital problems? Maybe not. Yet, if you were to spend a day noticing how you talk about other people, you might begin to recognize a slightly compulsive quality in your desire to share the news.
Maybe you do it to be entertaining or to lighten the atmosphere. Maybe your impulse is purely social, a way of bonding with others. But anyone who's tried to stop gossiping usually finds out that it isn't an easy habit to break. And that should tell you something about why the great yogic and spiritual traditions are so down on it. Any real yogic journey, any journey to spiritual maturity, will at some point demand that you learn to observe your own tendency to gossip, and then to control it.
Of course, only a committed hermit can completely abstain from talking about other people. After all, if we didn't gossip, what would we talk about? Public policy? Yogic principles? Well, yes, but all the time? The evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar maintains that the gossip instinct is basically hardwired in us, and that language evolved because early humans needed to talk about each other in order to survive as social groups.
He also reports having conducted a study on workplace sociability in which he and his colleagues found that 65 percent of the conversation in the office was people talking about—you guessed it—themselves or someone else.
His point: We can't help gossiping. What makes gossip problematic is not that we do it, but how and why we do it. Some kinds of gossip help grease the wheels of human interaction and contribute to human delight.
Other types of gossip are more like junk food for the mind. And then there's the nasty gossip—the kind that creates rifts between people, wrecks reputations, and even breaks up communities. So, how do we tell the difference between good gossip and harmful gossip? When is gossip helpful, or at least harmless? And how can we engage in the harmless kind without stepping over the line? Gossip has three important social functions. First, it facilitates the informal exchange of information. Dunbar points out that gossip is indispensable to the running of institutions.
In a university, or a yoga studio , students informally rate the teachers. When you're trying to find a teacher, or get to know a new person, you ask around and find out what different people say about him. Is George someone I should work with? What did so-and-so really think of the meeting? Gossip is also, for better or worse, a form of social monitoring.
It's one way society keeps its members in line. If a person or institution behaves erratically or unethically, people will start talking about it. The evolutionary psychologists describe this as the social need to control "free riders"—that is, those who contribute less than they take.
The idea is that the fear of word getting out may keep people from, say, abusing their family members or exploiting their employees.
But my favorite argument for the usefulness of gossip is that it gives us insight into other human beings and helps us understand the nuances of the human drama. God loves stories, says a Hasidic proverb, and so do the rest of us. When you talk about other people, you often do it partly from the love of a tale and partly in a genuine spirit of inquiry, a desire to unravel the mystery of another person.
Why do you think he said that? What does her behavior teach me about what to do and what not to do? Is that just the way he talks to people, or does he have something against me? But then, of course, you step over the line. The good story becomes just too irresistible, and you find yourself offering up a detail you know a friend would not want shared, or saying, "Yes, that's what I love about Ned, but doesn't this other thing about him drive you nuts?
When you're addicted to gossip, even harmless gossip can be a slippery slope. Have you ever hung up after a gossipy phone conversation feeling wasted, as though you'd lost energy and time? Or felt depressed after lunch with a friend, realizing that you spent your time on tidbits of idle news and speculation—but missed the opportunity to connect in a more intimate way?
Have you ever spent an hour dissecting Jeff's character and then felt guilty the next time you saw him? So-called idle gossip can easily tip over into snarky put-downs, or sarcasm, or a recitation of your grievances against the person you're talking about.
One sure way to know you're in the realm of bad or compulsive gossip is by its aftertaste. Good gossip leaves a friendly aftertaste. You feel closer to the person you've been talking about, more connected to the world around you. Good gossip feels pleasantly informative, like catching up on old friends.
It doesn't leave you feeling out of sorts, angry, or jealous. I first began considering these questions several years ago, after a series of conversations with my friend S. She and I were taking a walk when she began to share her dissatisfaction with another friend, whom I'll call Fran. Fran is someone I've always loved and respected. She's generous, smart, and fun, and she goes out of her way to help others.
Of course, like most of us, she has her foibles, but certainly nothing that diminishes her essential attractiveness and good nature. S and I started out talking about how much we liked Fran.
But then S mentioned she was having a hard time working with Fran, that she found Fran to be careless about details and selfish about sharing. I realized that S was using our conversation cathartically, trying to work through some of her anger at her friend.
So I tried to take a more or less objective perspective, defending Fran while doing my best to "help" S work through her feelings. Only in hindsight did it occur to me to suggest that S discuss these things with Fran herself rather than bad-mouthing Fran to me.
For the next few months, S rarely let a lunch or a walk go by without a comment about our mutual friend. After a while, I stopped defending Fran. In fact, for a while I stopped seeing so much of her. Instead of a friend I adored, Fran had become someone I didn't quite respect. Not because I had had any negative experience of her, but because I had allowed myself to get pickled in someone else's negative gossip.
That was when I began to consider how deeply other people's words can skew our opinions and even our feelings for a friend, teacher, or colleague. Yoga circles are like other communities: perfect arenas for newsgathering. Like other communities, they offer endless opportunities for spreading rumors.
A spicy secret will sometimes start a game of telephone, in which slight distortions mount up, and by the time the story has made the rounds, it often bears only the slightest relationship to the truth.
So when someone tells you that X is mean to people, or is having private meltdowns at odds with her public image, or inflating his credentials, you never really know if it's exaggerated or downright false. And even if the story is true, there's the deeper and equally serious question of how much harm you would cause by spreading it. In some situations you definitely have a responsibility to say what you know about another person.
If Amanda is going out with a guy known for his Don Juan complex, she might appreciate your passing the information on to her, especially if you preface it by saying, "I heard" or "Someone told me that When you know that the person Loren is considering going to work for cheats or abuses employees, you should tell him. But many tales, rumors, opinions, and even facts don't need to be passed on to others.
That's the point made in the Buddhist Lojong precept "Don't speak ill of others' injured limbs. This is the core of the ethical issue: Most of us wouldn't knowingly repeat false information about someone else.
But we don't have the same prohibition against repeating something that happens to be true—even if it could cause deep and unnecessary damage if it got around. Harmful speech, as defined in Buddhism and other traditions, is anything you communicate that could needlessly and pointlessly hurt others. It's a fairly broad category, since we don't even have to use words to comment on someone's missteps or character foibles.